Raise your hand if you constantly make plans to start working out again and then that motivation lasts about a week. You too? Okay good I’m not alone. I’m praying this time is different. You will notice I very rarely post pictures of myself unless I am in some way hiding with my head in my horses neck, behind Jess’s head when we take pictures together, underneath my hat or hood. Pretty much anyway I can hide, I will. I am incredibly self conscious. I wouldn’t say that I am huge. But i’m definitely not small. I’m 5’3 and just over 200 lbs. Not to mention my chest is quite large. A lot of me weight is muscle. I don’t think I look that heavy. But I am definitely not little. And I’m not sure that’s what I want. I want to fit. Toned. Let’s be honest here: I want to be hot.
So I resigned up for the gym yesterday. $21 a month at Planet Fitness with full use of tanning (which I won’t do) hydro massage (which i most certainly cannot wait to do) and I can bring someone for free every day if I want. I’m really hoping I can get Jess to come with me. She hates gyms but so do I. I’m not going to stop trying. Neither of us are very healthy and we aren’t getting any younger. Now is the time to get a handle on it before we have health problems.
My Ipod of course decided to stop working this morning. So I had to do Cardio with no music which was absolute TORTURE. I find cardio to be boring regardless. But without blasting Hollywood Undead in my ear? Or Florida Georgia Line. Breaking Benjamin. Whoever. Yes I’ve got a huge variety in my music taste. It was boring. But I pushed through and made it to the machines.
My ex, Abby, is a huge fitness buff. She never wanted me to come with her even when I asked if I could so unfortunately I really don’t know what I’m doing at the gym. I always wanted her to teach me. It’d be like a personal trainer for free! But she didn’t like having to answer all my questions and slow down her routine for me. Which I guess I understand. I love teaching riding but if I only have time to ride my horse or teach i’m going to want to get my ride in without having to stop every 5 seconds. Anyways, she was not a huge fan of machines and only liked free weights. But I was never really taught much about free weights. So for now I’m sticking to the machines. Plus I am incredibly shy and nervous at the gym and sitting at the free weights seems like where the “elite” gym members are and I am not part of their club yet. You know who I mean. The group of guys that come in that are all in tight t-shirts or tank tops that all know each other and know what the hell their doing. I do my little leg presses on the machines and watch them, hoping someday I can be a member of their elite club. I need workout friends. My best friend loves to work out. And ride horses. And watch horror movies and eat pizza all day. She’d come to the gym with me every day and then go straight to the barn with me after. It would be awesome. But there is one problem. She moved to Florida two years ago. That jerk.
I call her a jerk at times over it but I do love her to death. Her parents bought a house out there for when they need to get away and her and her half sister live in it and take care of all the bills. It’s a pretty sweet deal for both of them. She told me before she moved that she was leaving and moving to Florida. It was right after she got back from a cruise so I didn’t really believe her. I mean, when I get back from vacation I absolutely want to move to wear I just was. Doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. Fast forward a year and I am saying a tearful goodbye and watching her leave. She has flourished though. Florida was the best thing for her. But I still miss her like crazy. And I take pictures of all the snow and text them to her frequently. Although spring SHOULD be right around the corner. It’s only almost April after all.
So that’s my gym story that quickly turned into a story about my friend. Kinda how all my stories go. I am also going to be starting the Whole30 diet on the 1st. I am insane. But I’m ready to not look and feel like I do. I’m ready to start loving myself.
As you can see I am hiding here as well. And I have put on more weight since this was taken. But you get the idea.